The Lady’s beauty shone
And caught a royal eye, so now she’s gone
And no one in the castle is taking bets
That that’s one of the principal things His Lordship now regrets

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) January 17, 2019

The princess is soft and sly and young (and in truth, is utterly depraved)
But though she daily (and nightly) flirts with all Nine Hells
With the things she does and the lies she tells
On the whole, I think her reputation can still be saved

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) January 16, 2019

The warrior bishop was (let’s be polite) mentally dim
He was sent to cleave the devilish dragon in two
But clove it so often he reduced it to stew
And now it’s but a heap of slithery goo
In which he slipped and cracked his holiest limb

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) January 16, 2019

1)
“Halt, halt, halt! Your reason for entering our fair kingdom?”
“I’m a merchant, headed for Crownport to make deals aplenty!”
“Hunh. Dressed like that? You look like an unshaven boar trying to disguise himself as a doxie!”#epic fantasy

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) January 17, 2019

3)
“Sirrah, I’ll have you know that in the kingdom I hail from, this is the current HEIGHT of fashion!”
“Amongst jesters and colorblind crossdressers, mayhap, but—”
“I’ll have you know I’m recognized locally as a CHAMPION!”#epic fantasy “Of what? Flouncing?”
“No!”
“Well what, then?”
“Artistic table-napkin-folding!”
“Oh, well, why didn’t you SAY so? Pass, champion artistic-table-napkin-folder! Crownport’s stews have pressing need of the likes of you!”#epic fantasy

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) January 17, 2019

1)
This suit of armor magnificent
Doesn’t fit but was all I could find to rent
It mostly protects, so dragon, do your worst
For this sleety sword is guaranteed to burst
Through your guggle, if you don’t bite my head off first

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) January 17, 2019

2)
Wish I could have afforded the helm
I feel exposed, and my frightened face can’t overwhelm
A sniggering shopkeeper, let alone a dragon
Perhaps I should have stayed hidden in the wagon
With that friendly flagon
Too late
So death’s my fate
Gack

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) January 17, 2019

1)
“Ah-HAH! And what sorcery is THIS?”
“It’s not sorcery, it’s called a gear. Those teeth around the edge interlock with the teeth of another gear, so turning one turns the other.”
“And? What good is that?”#epic fantasy

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) January 18, 2019

3)
… “Well, it allows the force of movement to be transferred, you see, from one gear to the next, and…”
“Captain, sir, this man speaks truth. No sorcery. I’ve seen such gears before.”
“Oh? Then explain them to me. PLAINLY. …#epic fantasy I want to hear nothing about ‘force of movement’ or ‘transferred’ or other such witch-talk. Give it to me clearly.”
“They have them in the nursery up at the Palace. They make the infant Princes’ toys ring bells.”#epic fantasy

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) January 18, 2019

4)
“Ah. No WONDER this outlander didn’t want to say what he did. He’s a TOYMAKER.”
“Uh, yes, YES, I am!”
“NEXT time, outlander, just be honest, instead of lying like a courtier. So no sorcery’n’nothing of value. Just toys. Pah.”#epic fantasy

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) January 18, 2019

1)
We all watch as the fell dragon finally dies
And thank all the gods for our luck
Then the old wizard speaks as he shakes his head and sighs
This wyrm was so puny ’gainst those that USED to run amok

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) January 18, 2019

2)
Then all of a sudden, we see the dead wyrm undead rise
Baleful light kindling in sunken eyes
And curse the gods in our utter surprise
For just now our lives aren’t worth a flying fiddlestick

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) January 18, 2019

1)
“Report of naked people singing and dancing in Knock Wood, Lord Captain. Some of them WIMMEN.”
“Witches, drunkards, a cult, or a guild initiation party?”
“Does it matter, sir? Same response from us, regardless.”
“Good point.”#epic fantasy

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) January 18, 2019

2)
“Aye, sir. After we’ve clubbed ’em down and manacled them, we can ask those as wakes up first, an’ you can write yer report.”
“Out of ink, remember?”
“Use their blood, sir.”
“Good thinking, that man! Right, off we go!”#epic fantasy

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) January 18, 2019

3)
“Right, sir! After all…”
[chorus]
“They won’t club and manacle THEMSELVES!”
“Lads, lads, one thing: we approach SILENTLY, and stay hid, and WATCH for a bit, before clubbing.”
“Right, sir! Why, sir?”
“It’s called ‘gathering…#epic fantasy

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) January 18, 2019

4)
…evidence.’ Some silly new fad, but the King’s all for it.”
“Oh. Very good, sir.”
“What’s ‘evidence,’ sir?”
“I’ll know it when I see it. If the women ARE naked, I suspect they’ll have it, but I’ll have to watch very closely.”#epic fantasy

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) January 18, 2019

1)
All this shall be yours, son, he said and meant
But before I could close my hands on it, every acre and coin of it went
For his grasp of finances was incontinent

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) January 11, 2019

2)
And he spent to soften every discontent
So for every coin he made, three he spent
And now, low taverns and the bottoms of their tankards I frequent

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) January 11, 2019

1)
“What’s that? LOOK! Is this castle HAUNTED?”
“Well, yes, but THAT’S no ghost. That’s the Pen Of Souls!”
“The what?”
“The Pen Of Souls. Enchanted by the gods at the dawn of time, to write down the names of the dead, as they die.”#epic fantasy

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) January 11, 2019

2)
“What, everyone?”
“Everyone in THIS kingdom, see, who has names. It writes them in soulblood.”
“What?”
“It ran out of ink three hundred years ago. We just take on faith whatever it’s writing now.”
“Oh.”#epic fantasy

— Ed Greenwood (@TheEdVerse) January 11, 2019